segunda-feira, 7 de abril de 2014

This is Interesting. Have you ever though about that?


It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years .

Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end .

If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.

Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.

Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.

The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnightin almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.

Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent.

Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F.

The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.

Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean.

The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.

Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density.

The University of Alaska spans four time zones.

The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.

In ancient Greece , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.

Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

A comet's tail always points away from the sun.

The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.

Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.

The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.

If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.

When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.

In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.

Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.

Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.

The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.

The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.

Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.

Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy .

Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.

Everything weighs one percent less at the equator.

For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off.

The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.

If you like the above, pass it on to others.....


Fonte/Source: Received by email
Image/Imagem: Google
Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

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Baptising an Irishman


A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,
'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'


So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.


He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?'
The drunk again answers, 'No,oi I haven't found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.. The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'
(Are you ready for this????)

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are you sure dis is where he fell in?'


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Image/Imagem: Google
Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

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An Old man's poem

Little Poem, so true it hurts!

Another year has passed
And we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.

There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'

We used to go to weddings,
Football games and lunches..
Now we go to funeral homes
And after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
And wile the night away.

We used to go out dining,
And couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill.

We used to often travel
To places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
From riding in the car.

We used to go to nightclubs
And drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night
And watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how life is,
And now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
Before you're too damned old!



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Image/Imagem: Google
Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

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Irish Golfer

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his
drive into the woods. Looking for his ball,
he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back,
a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball
beside him.



Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from
the cart and poured it over the little guy,
reviving him.

"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.

"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.

"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square.
Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?"

"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer
answers in relief. "I don't want anything,
I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologise."

And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself.

"I have to do something for him. I'll give him
the three things I would want... a great golf game,
all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by and the golfer is back.
On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into
the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

"Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,"
the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"

"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers.
"I'm an internationally famous golfer now."
He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're
all right."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?"

"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states.
"When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!"

"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK."

"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers,

"Once, sometimes twice a week."

"What?" responds the Leprechaun in shock..
"That's all? Only once or twice a week?"

"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.."


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Image/Imagem: Google
Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

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Creating a password:-

Creating a password:-

                      


cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

boiled cabbage 
Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

1 boiled cabbage 
Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

50fuckingboiledcabbages 
Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.

50FUCKINGboiledcabbages 
Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediately 
Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou
DontGiveMeAccessImmediately 
Sorry, that password is already in use!



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Image/Imagem: Google
Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

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Men are deep thinkers

What deep thinkers men are... I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying
'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are
deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.
Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.
Time for another beer.

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Image/Imagem: Google
Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

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Is GOD great or what!?

When God sends you help, don't ask questions.
She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.
The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP. Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag.
He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I’ve locked my keys in My car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open. She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out Of PRISON yesterday; I was in prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a Professional!"

Is GOD great or what!?



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Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

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Taxman Cometh

Taxman Cometh

At  the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent a tax inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the taxman was checking the books, he turned to the  executive of the hospital and said
“I notice you buy a lot of bandages. I imagine there's a lot of wastage there. What do  you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any  use?"

"Good  question," noted the executive. "We save them up and send them back

to the  bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll."

"Oh,"  replied the taxman, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a  practical answer.

However, he was now well mounted on his favourite hobby horse and ready to be critical.“What about all these  plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on  a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the executive, who actually hadn't a clue, but rising to the challenge he said, "We  save that too, and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they send us a  free bag of plaster.."

"My, my, an answer for everything!" responded the auditor, who also fancied himself a bit of a wit. "What do you do with all  the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"

"Here, too, we do not  waste," answered the executive. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and  send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete  prick." 



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Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)


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sexta-feira, 14 de janeiro de 2011

A Polite Way to Call Someone a Bastard

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole  when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him The first said that he usually played alone,  but agreed to the  twosome.

They were even after the first few holes.  The  second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about  playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that  he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the  terms.


The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with  ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy  was busy counting his $80.00.  He confessed that he  was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on  suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the  Parish  Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return  the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and  I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your  winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up  to  you?" The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday  and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry  them.
  



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quinta-feira, 16 de dezembro de 2010

Twenty Pounds

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for £20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.


Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.


It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.


Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly £1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over £2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.


She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.


Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over £3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'


That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut...

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Image/Imagem: Google Images
Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)


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terça-feira, 14 de dezembro de 2010

Acronyms

Hi, there! Imagine you’re at a restaurant and you hear this:
- I’ll have a BLT.
- ASPA or PDQ?
Or suppose your American friend texts you this: 143.
Pretty crazy, hu? Not really. That’s why I’d like to share with you guys something so common here: abbreviations. This is highly used at work, ads (advertisement signs), blogs, text messages (torpedos), usually in a casual conversation context. It can be hard to understand the full meaning of a phrase if you’re not familiar with. Some of these abbreviations you’re probably already used to seeing around… Oh, one more thing, you need to read it letter by letter (or number by number), don’t try make it a new word. So, let’s get to know some of them, shall we?
1. 143: I love you. I explain: I (1 letter) love (4 letters) you (3 letters)
2. AKA: Also known as
You can use this one to explain a nickname.
Ex: EnglishExperts website aka (you read “ei-kei-ei” or “also known as”) EE is awesome!
3. ASAP: As soon as possible
Ex. Please, this report needs to be done asap!
4. BLT: Bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich
5. DIY: Do it yourself
You’ll find a lot of diy stuff on my website.
Ex: This is a diy project. My diy mirror.
6. FYI: For your information
7. LOL: Laugh out loud
It would be like someone is laughing really hard (gargalhada).
8. OBO: Our best offer
Craigslist has tons of “obo”.
Ex: I’m selling this crib (berço) for U$100 obo.
For sale: dresser (cômoda) and mirror. Cash and pick up only. U$ 150.00 obo for both.
9. PDQ: Pretty darn quick
10. R.I.P.: Rest in peace (Halloween tombstones)
11. TLC: Tender loving care
You’ll find this one for everything that needs “tender loving care”. Ex:
1- When I took Sophie (my cute dog) to the vet because I thought she was sick, the vet said “oh, Sophie is fine, she just needs a little bit of TLC”.
2- On Real Estate (corretora de imóveis) listings, I mean, let’s suppose you read an ad (anúncio) from a house that’s seen better days. So usually the realtor writes “This house needs a bit of TLC but has tons of potential”.
12. TGI Friday: – Thanks God it’s Friday! WooHooo
TGI Friday’s is a restaurant too.

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Communication Problems

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, ‘Please wake me at 5:00am.’ He left it where he knew she would find it.


The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, ‘It is 5:00am. Wake up.’
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

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Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)


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A Little Christmas Story

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as
fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.


Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.


When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.


Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.


Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.


Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.


The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'




And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.


Not a lot of people know this.


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Image/Imagem: Google Images
Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)


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domingo, 10 de outubro de 2010

The Taxman:

At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector
to audit the books of a Synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and
said:
'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the
candle drippings?'

'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send

them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they
send us a free box of candles.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his
unusual question had a practical answer but on he went, in
his obnoxious way;

'What about all these bread wafer purchases?' 'What do you
do with the crumbs?'

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector
was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We
collect them and send them back to the manufactures, and
every now and then they send us a free box of bread wafers.'

'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he
could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi..
'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the
leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'

'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we
do is save all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office
and about once a year they send us...a complete prick.'

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Image/Imagem: Google Images
Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)


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Dicas para Aprender Inglês.



Hello Everybody!

Como sei que todos vão passar o feriadão estudando (aliás, todos lerão esse email em menos de 10 minutos depois do recebimento...rsrs), seguem umas dicas para você se concentrar.
São dicas simples, que já lhes passei em sala de uma forma ou de outra e aqui, resumidas.

1. Muito Input
Ouvir, ouvir, ouvir. Isso é fundamental. Da mesma forma como aconteceu nos primeiros anos de sua vida.
2. Primeiro a Floresta
Veja a floresta e não apenas a árvore. Dê menos importância às minúcias e às regras gramaticais (fundamentais para textos e literatura, mas não para adquirir fluência).
3. Dê Valor ao Ritmo
Focalize mais a “música” do que a “letra” ao ouvir pessoas falando inglês.
4. Mais Linguagem Corporal
Comece a observar as expressões faciais, os gestos, sem se preocupar com o significado de cada palavra.
5. Maximize o que sabe
Pare de pensar no que falta, no que você não sabe. A questão é valorizar o que sabe e administrar com tranqüilidade o que desconhece.
6. Mais Receptividade
Questione e analise menos, seja mais intuitivo, instintivo.
7. Relax
Tensão e ansiedade de aprender rapidamente acabam causando verdadeiros bloqueios. Dê tempo ao tempo. Segue abaixo a referência bibliográfica para quem deseja adquirir.

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Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)


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domingo, 3 de outubro de 2010

God Bless British generosity

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter Scale has hit Pakistan.
Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured.
The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start 
with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
The USA is sending troops to help.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending supplies.
New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian continents are sending labor to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.
Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.
Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million Pakistanis as replacements…

God Bless British generosity

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Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)


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