Source/Fonte: Received by email
Image/Imagem: Google Images
Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)
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Three men - a Canadian farmer, a Muslim fanatic and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day.
They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the genie.
The Canadian says,'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '
POOF! With the blink of the genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
The muslim was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.'
POOF! Again, with the blink of the genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Biker says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.'
The genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and
completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'
The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lights a cigar, smiles and says,
'Fill it with water.’
Being a kindly and conscientious bloke, he knocks again - much harder.
Eventually a Japanese man comes to the door.
"Harro!" says the Japanese man.
"Gidday, mate! "Where's ya bin?" asks the collector.
"I bin on toiret," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realising the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again.
"No ! No ! Mate, Where's your dust bin?"
"I dust been to toiret, I toll you!'' says the Japanese man, still perplexed.
"Listen," says the collector. "You're misunderstanding me. I mean, Where's your wheelie bin?'"
"OK, OK. " replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and whispers in the collector's ear. "I wheelie bin having sex wiffa wife's sista!"
but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said "You're obviously not listening."
The wife has been missing a week now.
Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London .
Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.
The wife was counting all the 5ps and 10ps out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the fu***ng thing!
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
A teddy bear is working on a building site.
He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen.
The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."Murphy says to Paddy, "What ya talkin into an envelope for?""I'm sending a voicemail ya thick eejit !"
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.
19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
The Royal Navy intercepts four muslims in a row boat, rowing towards Brighton. "An officer gets on the loudhailer and asks where they are heading and if they require assistance. One of the Muslims stands up and shouts, "We are invading England !"
The crew of the warship starts laughing and the officer gets back on the loud hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"
The Muslim stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The rest are already there!"