Pulled Over

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a
woman passed over a  bridge only to find a cop with a
radar gun on the other side lying in  wait. The cop
pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that
classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked,
"What's your hurry?" 

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what
do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.


The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And
just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

" Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger,
then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then
four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to
side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly
but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot
asshole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a
bridge." she responded.

Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs $45.00
Look on Cop's face.......... PRICELESS

Source/Fonte: Received by email

Image/Imagem: Google Images

Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

Is it your copyright? Please see here.

Blondes

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping centre and rolled down the car windows to make sure

my Golden Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted

to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,

"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"

"Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde,

gave me a strange look and said,

"Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"

Source/Fonte: Received by email

Image/Imagem: Google Images

Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

Is it your copyright? Please see here.