Baptising an Irishman

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,
'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?'
The drunk again answers, 'No,oi I haven't found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.. The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'
(Are you ready for this????)

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are you sure dis is where he fell in?'

Fonte/Source: Received by email
Image/Imagem: Google
Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

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How NOT to please a client at a hotel

Mrs. Yetta Rosenberg gets off the plane for her vacation and, being tired from the flight, goes to the first hotel she sees in order to get a room. She walks up to the desk and tells the clerk, "I'm Mrs. Yetta Rosenberg, and I desire a room for the night."
The clerk looks disdainfully at her and coldly says, "I'm sorry, madam, but our hotel is "completely booked."
Just then, a man with his suitcase in hand, drops his key and a check at the desk, and heads for the door.
"Oy, what luck, says Mrs. Rosenberg. "I can take 'his' room."
"I'm sorry, madam," says the clerk, "but I thought you understood my meaning. To be blunt, we do not cater to Jews."
"Jews?" exclaims Mrs. Rosenberg. "So, who's a Jew? I'm a Cat'lic."
In obvious disbelief, the clerk asks her, "If you're a Catholic, then answer this question: Who is the Son of God?"
"That's easy," says Mrs. Rosenberg, "Jesus Christ."
The clerk, still not convinced, then asks, "Who was Jesus' mother and father?"
"Mary and Joseph," replies Mrs. Rosenberg , testily.
Then the clerk asks, "And where was Jesus born?"
"In a manger in a barn," answers Mrs. Rosenberg, becoming agitated.
"And why was Jesus born in a manger in a barn?" asks the clerk.
"Because a shmuck like you wouldn't rent a room to Jews!!!"

Source/Fonte: Received by email

Image/Imagem: Google Images

Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

Is it your copyright? Please see here.