Three Wishes

Three men - a Canadian farmer, a Muslim fanatic and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. 'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the genie. The Canadian says,'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada ' POOF! With the blink of the genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming. The muslim was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.' POOF! Again, with the blink of the genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries. The Biker says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.' The genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.' The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lights a cigar, smiles and says,  'Fill it with water.’ Source/Fonte: Received by email Image/Imagem: Google Images Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable) Is it your copyright? Please see here.

Have you ever had your hubby going shopping with you?

Source/Fonte: Received by email

Image/Imagem: Google Images

Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

Is it your copyright? Please see here.

Sensitive Men

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners.  The class was in full swing.  The  instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the  men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of  the pregnancy.

She said  "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.  Walking is  especially beneficial.  It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

She looked at the men in  the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together  --  It  wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. 

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes", answered  the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

----  This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.  

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Image/Imagem: Google Images

Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

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Men are deep thinkers

What deep thinkers men are... I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying

'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are

deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.

Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.

Time for another beer.

Fonte/Source: Received by email
Image/Imagem: Google
Translation/Tradução: Heinz Claudius (when applicable)

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